xx_the clost door

Blah. me thinking more about who I'll be coming out to and when. shit like: Here have a gift. I'm bi. keeps crossing my brain. that might be the easiest but I don't think I'm going to have it happen like that. I don't even know what everyone thinks about LGBT so I guess I'll start testing the waters. If it weren't for the shit with daddy he'd now first thing. Big hug the ever so classic "So how are you?"
"Oh I'm great dad. And while we're on the subject of me, I like girls and boys. What'd you think? Oh and by the way I smoke."
And then we'd have coffee and greasy fries in downtown Medford (haha Medford, downtown, psh) and he'd be cool. I know he would because he's said he'll always love me no matter what. The smoking thing might piss him off a bit but he'd get over that. Ad he'd be pretchy but all I'd have to say is fuck off and he would.
But the rest of them. Oh no. Not so simple. I know they love me but other than a few nice dinners with grandma and love of books, I have almost squat in commen with my cousins. And my aunt and uncle are, well, just different than me. Not in a bad way. But I'm not ready to be out with them yet. I know I should be, because its a part of me, but I'm not.
As for the friends. Shit on that. No way I'd tell the Friday girls. The Walens and Jordan, yes. But if I do tell one person they'll all find out. Wel I'll just do that. If I see Tosha I'll just
tell her when she asks how Portland is. Or Seirna. but not Jaz. Not face to face. No way to Rox or Aleena. Don't think they'd get it.
[/ramble]
Lee

xx_crush

So I was think of the fact that my mom said that I never like guys over the lovely age of thirty (ick.) Of course she doesn't know that people is a bit more accurate. But the thirty thing, well, she does has a bit of point there. So who do I have a crush one?

Avril Lavigne (23)
Yup. I have a slightly large crush on her. not so much the S8er Boi image but she's looking fine now. Not to mention I could listen to her music all day.

Jake Gyllenhaal (26)

What can I say? Total stud? Simply amazing? Doesn't do him justice. Loved him in Brokeback Mountain. And true that Day After Tomorrow was total crap I'll forgive him.

Katee Sackhoff (26)
Not only is she a fantastic actress, who picks amazing roles, but she is drop dead gorgeous. And as and added bonus: Oregon Girl. Oh snap bitch.

Eric Szmanda (32)
Love him. I could watch him every week. Oh wait I do. His so pretty.Plus he's friends with Marylin Manson. *glomp* Reason this is not crush not lust, he is amazing.

Giada De Laurentiis (37)
She might be a bit old for me, 22 years my senior. But she's so damn pretty. And I've been a good little kid and fallowed her resipies from Everyday Italian and they're fantastic.

John Mayer (30)
Guitar God. Perfect Voice. And he's amazingly beautiful too. What else can you say about John Mayer? Did I say I adore him? Yup that sums it .

Dita Von Teese (35)
What can you say about Dita? She is the sexiest girl on here. I might even go as far as saying that she is one of the sexiest women alive, because she might.

Aaron Douglas (36)
Witty and Ha Ha Hilarius. And he's so cute. He's not a Ken Doll, and He's not a stick boy. Love that. I'm sick of Kens and Sticks. And massive *GOLMP* for taking a part with like one line. And now he's a main character. love love love him!

Zooey Deschanel (27)

She is amazing. She's the kind of girl that you could see walking down the street. Normal, yes. Stunning, you bet your ass.

Dominic Monaghan(30)
He had a leg up with this one. He was Merry after all. But he did amazingly well with Charlie on LOST. He's the Hobbit Rockstar that everyone should be in love with.



Thats all the hotties I can stand at the moment.
Lee

xx_going out

No not out of the closet yet. Not that I think I will be anytime soon to dear old mom and dad. Or too most of the fam.
No I went out today. And I went to SMYRC. And I'll be back soon bitches. I got home I wanted something sweet other than the bowl of icecream and frozen gogurt. So I opted for a fortune cookie. and it said something like "New friendships will bring fruit." I'll have to check the kitchen it see what it said for real, but it was rad.
So it was pretty chill at SMYRC. I liked the persons there and don't think I was loud enough to make an impression on any of them. And I wasn't there long enough. Had to go get the kids. That turned out for crap. Could have stayed another 15-30 mins. total shit. Oh well better that than have to pay a dollar a minute if I was late. bleh.
And I was thinking of things on the way home and today at all. I do like thinking you know. And I was thinking about why guys hit on me. I mean I could shave all my hair off, but that just isn't me. So then I stated thinking about the whole butch//femme thing, and stereotypes in general and how I've never been one. And if I had, I was suppressing other parts of myself to be that.
And it's total crap. According to popular stereotypes I:

Can't Dance. White girl
Am a two timing slut. Bi Girl
Am a hippy farm girl who lives on a comune and smokes too much pot. Oregon Girl
Too stupid to stay in school. Homeschooled
Am a Freaky Animal Lover. Vegetarian
Can't seemed to keep my pants zipped. I walk around with two little kids almost all the time...figure that one

Whatever with those. I'm sick of bull shit like that. I guess I'll get over it. But still makes me mad.
Lee